Awkwardness, Pt. 3: Wordiness

“It should be noted that it is the text that serves an explanatory purpose that would confuse the individuals that are mandated to engage in performing the process of passing the driving test.”

Nasty forest of wordiness

There are so many words in this sentence that I can’t even begin to see the meaning behind them!


To be a good writer is to make as much sense as possible using as few words as possible. If the reader can’t see the forest for the trees – trees being words the writer throws in to sound more sophisticated – it’s the writer who’s doing something wrong, not the reader being too thick (no pun intended).

Flowery orchards of meaning

When a sentence has grown to the point of being incomprehensible, you’ve got to do something about it. To be a good editor is to see the forest through the trees, so to say, and chop those extra trees down to make it all nice and trimmed. No disregard for nature intended, of course.


Another situation you may find yourself in is when you are limited by a word count and those extra hundred words just won’t go away. When a forest has grown well past its well-established borders, it becomes increasingly uncomfortable for the reader to struggle through it, seeing no end to its bloated tangled form.

Was that a mixed metaphor there? Uhm... Back to the point.

Trees to chop down:

1. Replace wordy expressions with more concise ones:

• for the reason that/in the light of the fact that → since/as/because; 
• with the exception of → unlike/except for; 
• it is only a matter of time before → eventually; 
• in the event that → if; 
• so as to → to; 
• for the purpose of → for; 
• a decreased number of → fewer; 
• is helpful in understanding → clarifies; 
• has the ability to → can.

2. Delete words that make the phrase tautological (i.e., when the meaning of one word already includes the meaning of its modifier): 

• mutually interdependent → interdependent; 
• witnessed firsthand → witnessed; 
• warn in advance → warn; 
• new invention/innovation → invention/innovation; 
• necessary prerequisite → prerequisite.

3. Change the passive voice to the active voice. See my previous post on how to do that.

4. Get rid of nominalizations. See another post on how to do that.

5. Replace unnecessary (the key word being “unnecessary”) that/who/which clauses with short phrases: 

• the agreement that you have with Company X → your agreement with Company X; 
• employees who have not been trained → untrained employees.

6. Avoid using “it is” or “there is/are” at the beginning of your sentences. The only exception is when you want to emphasize a point, which should not happen too often lest it stops being emphasis. 

• It is our conclusion... → We conclude... 
• It is this situation that is uncomfortable. → This situation is uncomfortable.
• There are many employees who are underpaid. → Many employees are underpaid.

7. Delete empty words and phrases: 

• basically, essentially, virtually, generally, very (makes your claim weaker, not stronger, contrary to the common opinion), really, for all intents and purposes, as the case may be; 
• it is clear/evident/apparent that, it is important/crucial that, it is interesting/important to note that, it is possible that, it goes without saying that, it would seem/appear that, what is important is; 
• more or less, tend to, serve to, serve the purpose of, particular type of, sort of, and so on.

8. Weed out repetitive ideas. There is no point in reading the same thing over and over, even if the writer finds new words to express it and makes every iteration concise. Say what you want to say once: the reader is not dumb, you know.

Trees to leave be:

1. A word that is necessary to the grammar of the sentence. Obviously, you don’t want to ruin the sentence completely or make your reader stumble upon a nasty grammar mistake.

2. A word that is a key idea, fact, feeling, or description. Don’t turn that forest into a wasteland: if there is no idea left after you have hacked the sentence about, what’s the point of it then?

Now that you’ve got the tools, see that sentence at the very top? Let’s make it better:

“It should be noted that it is the text that serves the purpose of explanation of the test that would confuse the individuals that are mandated to engage in performing the process of passing the test.” → “The explanatory text would confuse the people who must pass the test.”

And, of course, the classic example: 

“It is important to effect the verbalization of concepts through the utilization of unsophisticated terminology.” → “Speak simply.”

Final tip. Try to keep your sentences to no more than 25 words, give or take: longer sentences, even if they have no redundant words, can be difficult to follow, which may distract the reader from your point (see what I did there?). Split them.

Comments? Questions? Want to gush about Van Gogh? Which is always welcome on my blog, by the way :) Share your thoughts under this post!

P. S. This post contains cases of intentional wordiness. Can you find at least five?